Tag: ballroom dance

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Where to learn: how to hear the beat of music

You will not find a class on hearing the beat of music (if you teach a class in that, throw me an email, we should talk). It’s rarely touched upon in ballroom dance classes. You must learn the beat on your own. Don’t fret, it’s simple, just listen to music (like with an iPod or whatever). Ahem, make that actively listen to music.

If you don’t have natural ability in music seek help to both get started and for occasional feedback. This could be a musical friend, a dance partner who is musical, a dance teacher or even strangers at a social dance who look competent. After your music maven gets you started, it’s up to you to practice—a lot. It’s the training on your own that develops the skill, not something your teacher does. There’s not a switch that gets flipped from “no rhythm” to “rhythm”; it’s a process, which will take days, weeks or months depending upon your ability. Use your teacher, as well as other musical people you pass along the way, to occasionally test you and give feedback. Getting feedback from others can be a quick process, even just a minute or two, so you’re not asking much.

To learn the beat you could tap a foot or clap hands or march in place. These are all okay and if you have an ear for music or prior musical training that may be enough. But for the rest of us, the secret to hearing the beat is to count music, specifically, counting the sets of 8 (waltz, the exception, is in sets of 6). Why? Because sets of 8 define the beat of the music (technical info: musicians compose dance music in four-beat measures and two measures are naturally paired to create a set of 8). You can practice counting sets of 8 anytime you listen to music—commuting, working out, in the shower, drifting off to sleep at night. (I used to practice counting sets of 8 to the background music of movies.) As you count you can also tap your foot as it’s good to involve the full body. I used to gently shift my solar plexus left and right, back and forth, simulating taking steps. Or sometimes I’d just nod my head back and forth to the beat. Marching in place to the sets of 8—doing a weight change on every beat—is the best as it most resembles dancing, plus you can practice your timing, that is, the coordination necessary to make the weight change exactly on the beat.

To get started simply have your music friend count sets of 8. Starting on a count 1, have them count: “one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,” and start over. Listen for the accent on the count 1 (count 5, the first beat of the second measure, has an accent too but to a lesser degree) and how a count 1 sounds like the beginning of a “sentence” of music. Use very easy music, stuff with a medium slow tempo and with sets of 8 that are easy to hear. For example, blues would be easy, salsa would be hard. It would also be helpful to use music with easy to hear downbeats and upbeats. This training exercise by Skippy Blair, which involves your hands, is an excellent way to start (scroll down to the one minute video, “Skippy Blair counting sets of 8 combined with a hand exercise”).

When I first started, I used to go up to my teachers after classes and ask them to count sets of 8 to the practice music—just to hear how it’s done—which could take as little as 30 seconds of the teachers’ time. After I had some competency, I’d ask my teachers after class to listen to me count sets of 8 and give feedback. I would also approach strangers at a dance, who looked musical, to observe me tap a foot or clap or march in place or count sets of 8 (it’s no biggie for them—people love to show off—especially if you compliment their dancing first). If you’re taking private lessons, start the lesson with a few minutes of counting sets of 8. Nobody to help you? Check out this free four minute video of me counting sets of 8 (scroll down to “Counting sets of 8 in easy music”).

Even if you’re an intermediate level dancer, spend a few minutes with someone musical and just listen to music. Let them test you to a variety of music with a range of difficulty, tempo and genre. Definitely throw in something hard like salsa—uptempo Latin with lots of percussion. In addition to the feedback you get, note your confidence—are you always 100% certain of the beat or do you guess a lot?

The good news is that you’re probably not rhythmically challenged. You’ve just never been taught how to hear the beat. It’s a lack of education, not a lack of ability. Granted, even after training you may not be the best, but it’s certain that you can get better.

If you struggle to hear the beat of music, describe your problem in the comments below. What have you tried to learn the beat?

(See also this related post, “Warning: Ballroom dance classes do not teach how to hear the beat of music”)

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Warning: Ballroom dance classes do not teach how to hear the beat of music

You will not learn “rhythm” in a ballroom class. The convenient explanation is that they’re dance classes and not music classes, but I’m not buying it. My guess is that dance instructors don’t really know how to teach you to count music and hear the beat.

Ballroom dance class - Photo by University of Richmond Living-Learning Programs
Dance class (Photo by Univ. of Richmond Living-Learning Programs)

The only time you hear beats counted—counting the “sets of 8” is the best way to learn the beat—is when a teacher counts to start the class dancing. Even then you’ll probably only get four beats (with no explanation as to what’s being counted). The teacher will start the music and count a set of 8 over the music like this, “and a five six seven eight.” (Isn’t that how every dance teacher and professional dance choreographer you’ve ever heard started a group dancing?) You will take your first step on the next beat, which is the count 1 of the next set of 8 (waltz, the exception, is in sets of 6). Any other counting a teacher does is probably counting step patterns, not the music. (Although they’re related, there’s a difference between counting music and counting step patterns. I’ll eventually do some posts on this or you can check out Chapter 6, “Counting Step Patterns,” in my book.)

I wish teachers would spend a few minutes in beginners’ classes going over the beat. While counting music for an hour would be boring, educating students for five minutes on how to do it would be helpful. The beat is not like learning step patterns where you can pick up three or four patterns in an hour, which you could use this weekend at a dance. Learning to hear the beat is a more subtle process that’ll mostly be learned on you own, but teachers need to get their students started.

If you don’t have an ear for music or prior music training, which was my sorry situation, learning the beat could be a slow, sometimes frustrating, process (albeit fun—you just listen to music). There are levels. You want to be 100% sure of the beat with all kinds of music, from rumba to rock ‘n roll. And once you hear the beat you want to take it from hearing it in your head (intellectually) to feeling it in your body (visceral, intuitive).

In my book I commiserate a bit about my experience. I had a slow start, in part, because I was in denial about being rhythmically challenged. After a bunch of months, maybe six, I was okay at finding the beat, but I was not 100 percent sure. It was closer to two years before I reached maximum comfort and could stop thinking about it. During this time I also worked on phrasing, which is dancing to the bigger structure in the music; and music identification, which is how to tell the difference between, say, salsa and samba music.

I’m not sure if there’s a class any where in the world dedicated to hearing the beat. So here’s the message: you have to learn it on your own. I’ll go into it more in my next post. You can get a jump on it now by following this link to my free chapter, “Counting Music: Finding the Sets of 8.”

If you’re a dance teacher who spends time teaching students how to hear the beat, what’s your experience?

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What everybody needs to know about which beat of music to start a dance

Photo by Branden Lally
Photo by Brendan Lally

I used to struggle with when to start a dance. I would stand stiff and motionless, like a statue, with my partner in hand, stressing over when to take the first step. I didn’t know when to break into the music. I didn’t know if it mattered. I could hear spots in the music that would have been good places to start, but I couldn’t predict when they were coming. Something was missing, but it’s hard to know what you don’t know.

I now know that those spots occur on a regular basis: every eight beats of music. It’s best to start dancing on the first beat of a set of 8, called the count 1 or “the 1 of the music.” You can also start on a count 5, the beginning of the second four-beat measure. Women expect you to start on a 1 or 5 or it’ll be an awkward start.

This brings up one of the more difficult subjects in ballroom dancing: phrasing. Technically, you can be on the beat but, if you start dancing on the wrong beat, you will be “off phrase.” In a dance with an eight count basic step pattern, like salsa or cha-cha or Lindy Hop, it’s more important to start on a count 1. A dance with a six count basic, like West Coast swing or East Coast swing or foxtrot, it’s less important (that is, it’s easier to get away with starting on a count 5).

What’s your experience when trying to start a dance?

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What you need to know about asking her to dance

Photo by Alexander Zabara
Photo by Alexander Zabara

While approaching the opposite sex often has its risks, asking someone to dance is routine. A request for a dance is the perfect cover: there’s a script, which both sides follow.

You don’t have to be creative or cool about it; just follow the script. Even better, if you’re not a good conversationalist, that’s it; after you ask her to dance you don’t have to talk again. Just dance. (Correction: it’s good etiquette to say “thank you” at the end of a dance.)

Identify someone to approach

Some good choices for potential partners include: someone who you know; someone about your dance ability; someone who dances a lot and with different partners; someone close to the dance floor; anyone on the edge of the dance floor, tapping her foot and smiling.

What to say

The opener is straight out of a playbook: “Would you like to dance?” “Shall we dance?” Or a simple “Dance?” Don’t think too hard, just follow the script. A nonverbal request is not uncommon: you offer your hand, smile and maybe nod. I’m somewhat okay with that, although I think a nonverbal request with a stranger is a bit distant (I’d at least throw in the word “Dance?”). What I often do is offer my hand, as a minor nonverbal gesture, as I’m asking her to dance. For a related tangent, Argentine tango dancers have a whole nonverbal ritual, which includes a nod of the head called a Cabeceo.

Rejection is rare

The etiquette in ballroom dance is to always accept an offer to dance. So your requests will almost always be accepted. (Note: that doesn’t mean she’ll be happy about dancing with you, which is a different topic). And you should accept virtually all requests when you’re asked to dance.

If she declines

If she declines, to save a little face, you can respond, “okay, maybe later.” If she declines, it usually comes with a reason, which is the polite way to decline a dance. If you decline, give a reason like you’re tired, or you’re sitting this one out, or you don’t know how to do the jitterbug. The proper etiquette is to sit the entire dance out and not accept a dance from someone else until the next song.

Offer your hand

After she accepts I either offer my hand or, if my hand is already out, I leave it out for her to grasp. The hand thing is a little corny but it shows confidence. I escort her onto the floor still holding her hand, which I find to be a manly gesture. At that point I’ve also established, to some degree, a dance connection before we’ve started dancing. This helps me evaluate what we’re going to do a moment later when we start dancing.

Be a desirable partner

The more dance-oriented the venue, the more it matters how well you can dance. Generally, the better you can dance, the easier it is to attract a partner. If you’re at a dedicated dance venue, the sure way to be the guy that followers seek is to be a good dancer. If you can’t dance, check out this post on how to be the ballroom dance partner women love.

So, are you going to be an arms-folded-hiding-in-the-corner wallflower or are you going to join the group? After years of being the loner on the sidelines, I came to the conclusion that it takes more effort to avoid the dance floor than it does to follow the playbook and ask someone to dance. Don’t think, don’t hesitate–just do it. Action cures fear.

Do you have a favorite way to ask someone to dance?

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11 Ways to be the ballroom dance partner women love–even if you can’t dance

Photo by Brendan Lally
Photo by Brendan Lally

First, don’t worry if  you can’t dance. If you’re at a social event, like a wedding, she probably can’t dance either. Nor can any of the other guys she’s dancing with.

Then, what you lack in skill you can make up for by impressing her with your character. Be confident, gentle, supportive, humble, generous, attentive, sensitive and fun. Here are some specific things to do:

  1. Show up. Most guys won’t even attempt to dance. Stepping onto a dance floor is taking a risk. Women like risk-takers—it’s alpha male behavior.
  2. Be gentle. Minor injuries are not uncommon, especially when doing an underarm turn. She probably won’t tell you that you tweaked out her shoulder when you turned her too rough. But she will dread the next time you ask her to dance. Warning: Do not let your ego exceed your ability. If you can’t dance and think you can, you will tend to be rough and insensitive.
  3. Practice etiquette. Follow the Golden Rule. Act civil and polite to the point of overdoing it.
  4. Look at her. Make good eye contact, short of giving her that stalker stare. Places not to look: at your feet and at other dancers. I’ve had partners who close their eyes when they dance. Bad move.
  5. Chitchat. While it’s not good form to talk and dance, a little chitchat while you dance is common, fun and suave—after all, if you can tell jokes while twirling through patterns, maybe you can do anything. If you can’t dance, exchanging some pleasant words as you do an awkward sway will look better than exchanging dirty looks as you do an awkward sway. (Note: never stop dancing in the middle of the floor and just talk—move off the floor.)
  6. Pretend you’re in love with her for three minutes. This was the advice of the late, great Frankie Manning, the grandfather of swing dancing. Learn it well.
  7. Smile and look confident. Do not be bothered by your inability to ballroom dance. Pretend you’re having fun. Fake your confidence.
  8. Ignore mistakes. It’s common to feel spotlighted when you dance; but it’s unlikely many people, if any, are watching. If a mistake is made, do not stop dancing–keep moving. Add a smile and it may look like you were improvising a new move. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.
  9. Laugh at yourself. Keep a light attitude; be able to laugh at yourself so when you make a mistake your reaction is to flash a genuine smile. Don’t have high expectations, have fun.
  10. Look at her face for fear, confusion or disgust. She’s not going to tell you that she’s unhappy so you’ll have to use your intuition. If she looks disturbed, stop what you’re doing and try something else.
  11. Relax. Granted, it’s hard to relax when you’re just a beginner and don’t know what you’re doing. Nonetheless, tension will make you look stiff; relaxation will make your movements look effortless. Would you rather be a stiff guy who can’t dance or a relaxed guy who can’t dance?

The only time you look embarrassingly bad is when you’re uptight and bothered by your inability to dance. So, if you flat out can’t dance, the solution is not so much faking the dance, which requires some skill. The secret, as noted in number 7 above, is faking your confidence.

If you can’t dance, what’s your biggest issue when you step onto the dance floor?

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Fake a ballroom dance with a “basic side step” (video: 2 min., 15 sec.)

A basic side step will work with most kinds of dance music, from foxtrot and rumba, to salsa and swing, to unfamiliar music (this video goes with the book so it’s also posted on the Freebie Video page):

Here are two reasons why, if you need a crash course in ballroom dancing, you should learn to do a basic side step:

  1. It uses the versatile double—single—double—single rhythm pattern (that’s eight beats of music: STEP STEP—STEP HOLD—STEP STEP—STEP HOLD), which is easy and fits a vast range of tempos and musical genres. This simple footwork creates a rhythm for the feet that anybody can groove on.
  2. If you don’t have a good dance connection with your partner—two newbies will not have a good dance connection—it will be easier to move your partner side-to-side than to move her forward-and-back.

Even if you know some dances, the plight of many beginners is that they can’t identify the music and what dance to do. If you get stuck on the dance floor not knowing what dance to do, start with a basic side step; then, see what develops and transition into something else if it’s appropriate. Watch other dancers on the floor for clues.

If you’re looking for minimal choreography, the basic side step is a good foundation step pattern for a wedding dance and a slow dance. Learn it well.

Note: The basic side step will not work for a waltz because waltz music is counted in sets of 6 (all other ballroom music is counted in sets of 8).

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Survive a ballroom dance with “single rhythm” (video: 2 min., 41 sec.)

Single rhythm, one weight change in two beats of music (e.g., a STEP HOLD or a SIDE TOUCH, no weight change on the HOLD or the TOUCH), can be a lifesaver when you’re ballroom dancing (this video goes with the book so it’s also posted on the Freebie Video page):

Doing all single rhythm is the rhythm pattern to use for a sway (single–single is the rhythm pattern, SIDE TOUCH—SIDE TOUCH is the verbal call, keep repeating), which is what to fall back on if you get stuck, lost or confused–or if you flat-out don’t know what you’re doing. If you neglected to take lessons before your wedding, use this to survive your wedding dance—but choose a wedding song with a beat you can hear. You still have to connect to the music or you’ll just get an awkward rocking back and forth. If you can’t hear the beat, I urge you to learn how to count sets of 8.

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Not all music is dance music

Not all music is dance music, although most popular music is danceable. Dance music varies in difficulty so some music is better for dancing than other music, which is, in part, a personal preference. But some music is just not danceable. The jazz music of Count Basie, known as swing, is usually good dance music but the jazz of Miles Davis, known as bee bop, is not dance music at all.

I don’t typically dance every song in an evening of dance so, strategically, I sit out the music that’s not dance music or is music that’ll be difficult for me. This makes me appear to be a better dancer. If you struggle with dance, choose your music wisely.

For me, if I can count sets of 8 and if it makes me feel like dancing and if I can visualize myself doing some steps (that’s when I evaluate if the tempo is too fast), then it’s dance music. If I can’t count sets of 8 I try counting sets of 6 to see if it’s a waltz, although my guess is that less than 2% of popular music is a waltz. If that doesn’t work it probably isn’t dance music or, at least, it’s not good dance music for me.

If I can’t count sets of 8 and it still feels danceable—it’s usually something with a slow tempo–I might try an improvisational slow dance. If that doesn’t work and the song isn’t over, I sometimes let it evolve into a Steve-Martin-esque parody of a slow dance. There’s a classic parody of a “slow fox trot”—not sure what you call it—by Steve Martin and Gilda Ratner from Saturday Night Live. I was going to give the youtube link but the video “is no longer available.” If I ever find it, I’ll post the link.

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Sets of 8: test yourself on how to count music and hear the beat

Here’s a good test to see if you can count music and hear the beat by counting sets of 8. Flip the radio dial, stop on random songs and accurately count the sets of 8 and know you’re right. It took me about a year of dedicated practice before I could do that 90% of the time, but it was closer to two years before I could do it 100% of the time and have the confidence to know I was right. Part of the test is to know if a particular song is dance music, which I’ll go into in my next post.

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Lead and follow: "matching resistance" in closed ballroom position (video: 3 min., 23 sec.)


In this video Skippy Blair shows how the leader and follower can create a dance “connection” in the “closed position” by “matching resistance.” This is a very important video for followers!

In the closed position—the most common position used in partner dancing—the leader places his right hand over the lower portion of the follower’s left shoulder blade. To create the connection the follower must match the leader’s resistance by pulling her left shoulder back and down, pressing into the leader’s hand. If the follower does not match the resistance, the leader finds it much more difficult to lead.

It’s common for teachers to describe the process of matching resistance as meeting a push with a push and a meeting a pull with a pull. Beginners find that a difficult process as it’s counterintuitive; beginners tend to yield to a push or a pull, not resist them. Skippy says, “The resistance is not actually pushing or pulling. It is a matching reaction to the action of the lead. The natural tendency to yield to a lead rather than to match the natural resistance is a real problem for many dancers.”

I wish every follower would watch this video again and again. If you don’t press back into your leader’s right hand, you give us nothing to work with.

Video courtesy of Skippy Blair (swingworld.com).

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Elbows down (video: 1 min., 4 sec.)


In this video Skippy Blair talks about the importance of keeping your elbows down. A lot of stuff in dance is wicked hard to do, this one’s a cinch. Well, it’s easy to do but developing the habit to always do it is a little tougher.

Keeping your elbows down affects your posture and frame. Posture and frame are important because they not only make you look good, they improve the dance connection with your partner. Pressing your elbows down will push your shoulders back and down, which helps to straighten your spine. It will make you feel light to your partner arms. There’s more in Chapter 10, Posture and Frame.

Video courtesy of Skippy Blair (swingworld.com).

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Move your center first (video: 1 min., 28 sec.)

In this video Skippy Blair talks about how to move on the dance floor by moving your center first. Your “center,” short for “center point of balance,” is located in your solar plexus. All dance movement should start and project from your center. If you move your center first you will not only look better–like a dancer!–but it will feel better to your partner and make lead and follow much easier.

There’s an old saying in dance, “foot follows frame.” Move your center first—not shoulders, hip or foot. Especially don’t move the foot first, which is the mark of a beginner. There’s more in Chapter 12, Movement and Timing.

Video courtesy of Skippy Blair (swingworld.com).